My Life

“85% of my life is fiction.” Steve Collins, 2014

Zero Tolerance

“I have a zero tolerance policy on people who don’t tolerate anything.” Steve Collins, 2014

Those are the Rules

“Just because those are the rules, doesn’t necessarily make them the rules.” Steve Collins, 2014

God Gave Us

“God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth so that we don’t look stupid, having 2 mouths and 1 ear and all.” Steve Collins,…


“I was arrested this evening for solicitation. SOLICITATION. take THAT all you former sales managers.” Steve Collins, 2014


“That ironic moment when you realize that the Xfinity commercial is being pixelized on your Comcast signal.” Steve Collins, 2014

Big-Ass Woman

“If I were a woman, I’d be a big-ass woman.” Steve Collins, 2013