I’m Ugly

“I’m just as ugly as the rest of you guys. I’m just more comfortable in my ugliness.” Steve Collins, 2011

Heart Transplant

“There’s nothing wrong with me that a heart transplant can’t cure.” Steve Collins, 2011, before his heart transplant

Bigger Than Life

“I’m not bigger than life. I’m roughly the same size.” Steve Collins, 2010

Deviated Septum

“My heart’s in the right place, but I do have a deviated septum.” Steve Collins, 2010

Bring to the Table?

“What do I bring to the table? A knife.  And a fork. Yeah, a knife and a fork.” Steve Collins, 2010

My Wife Hates it

“My wife hates it when I drink milk directly out of the gallon. I do this so my cleaning lady will not have wash…


“When my wife asked if I could put away the spaghetti, she should have asked if I could put UP the spaghetti. Because I…