FaceBook Groups

We all get recommendations from FaceBook for groups to join based on our likes and posts. Big brother monitors our every click and this is no longer news. Yes, I get ads to learn to play the guitar, improve my knife skills in the kitchen, diabetes supplies, Social Security Disability Income and wheelchair vans for sale. But sometimes these recommendations are not very well targeted.  I’m not interested in dating someone over 50, women’s jewelry, DIY garage kit clearance, erectile dysfunction, or Espadrilles at Zappos.

Here are some FaceBook groups that should be suggested to me:

People who think they’re funnier than they really are

Since I was 18 years old, I’ve always been the class clown. I laugh at things that are inappropriate; laugh at the wrong time; laugh at myself. I KILL me. My view of life is not 180°, but more than that. It’s often skewed, sometimes upside-down, usually off center. I see the same things you do, but I look at them differently. And that filter that people have that keeps them from saying what they really think? Yeah, I don’t have that filter. I can find humor in almost anything. I like laughter. I like making others laugh. It’s my little job.

People who post photos of themselves with guitars so others will think they’re musicians

Yeah, I post photos of me playing the guitar. Sometimes at home with friends, sometimes at an open mic night, a Memphis Songwriters Association meeting, a picnic, a weekend outing with real musicians. I am so grateful for my music friends who have reached out to help me out with my songwriting. We all know I set the bottom end of the bell curve, but you’d not see this by the way they treat me. I’ve been playing guitar for 30 year, but suckily. I am blessed to be taking instruction from Dr. Lily Afshar who is teaching me intro to classical guitar. With a little time and more lessons, I hope to look (and sound) more comfortable with my Gibson.

People who go on and on and on and on and on about being handicapped

I have a spinal cord injury as a result of a heart transplant back in November 2011. I’m now confined to a wheelchair and am dealing with that. I do post about inconsiderate people who park in HC spots without cause or proof. It makes me mad when retail establishments or restaurants make it difficult to enter and/or navigate their business. What I’m fighting for is the law. ADA makes it possible for people like me to shop and travel across many places. But what you don’t realize is that I’m fighting for your relatives who have the same problems. Not everyone is comfortable making a stand. Many just accept the situation for what it is and don’t complain. I am the one who complains. For me, for your wheel chair-bound relatives and friends, and (what many of you don’t understand) for what YOU may eventually have to face later on in life. What would happen if you were forced to travel in a wheel chair next week? Next month? Next year? Then you will be happy that I am doing what I’m doing.

People who think others care about conversations you have with your wife

I love my wife. We have fun together. We laugh together. We laugh at ourselves. The story-teller in my wants to share the things we find funny. Sometimes she is the butt of the jokes, other times, I am the butt. Some of you find me the butt when I post these conversations. What I put up on FaceBook are the same things that are going on in your household, but are not brave enough to tell. We are fine with one another and thankful for those of you who like my posts. Remember, I love her to death!

People who think they’re still in high school

Some of my greatest friends are ones I made in my junior and senior years in high school. My dad was in the service, and I attended 3 high schools in 4 years. The people in Slidell, LA who I went to school with all shared the same music, feelings, relationship troubles, decisions, (thinking we were all) grown-up issues, weekends, sporting events, and open-road options. Ours was a close class, and I still attend the reunions. We don’t wait for the 30 and 40 year weekends. We have them every year. I have people come through town and have lunch or dinner with them. We spend weekends together. We still give each other grief on FaceBook. And I’m proud to post photos of us together.

People who think they’re philosophers now that they’re studying under Tom Shadyac

Okay, so I’m taking the most amazing class EVER. Storytelling and Life is taught by Hollywood director and screen-writer Tom Shadyac at the University of Memphis. Most of my professors give out assignments and administer tests. Tom makes us think. We open up our minds. We consider other opinions. We consider others’ opinions. Just because we don’t agree, doesn’t make us wrong. This class will make me a better story-teller, a better blogger, and a better songwriter. And if I’m not careful, a better person.

Ugly folks who take pictures with really pretty people so others think you’re one of them

I post a lot of pictures with friends. I do this as a favor to them. I make them look better standing next to me. A picture is worth a thousand words. It shows who I’m with, where we were, when we were there, and an emotional message that reveals our fun level. That’s a lot better than saying I’m about an 8 or a 9. I enjoy seeing other’s photos. I hope you enjoy mine.

People who engage in shameless self-promotion of their business or blog

Yes, I have a degree in Journalism with a major in advertising. I worked in that field for over 30 years so I know a little bit about marketing. I post about my business, but not so much (hopefully) that people don’t de-friend me or block me from their newsfeed. And always with some humor instead of just shoving my product/service down your throat. Some of my friends are “doing it wrong”. I try to help them, but some don’t want to learn. So if my post gets too self-serving, please let me know.

People who post things that others don’t understand

Yeah, I’m not for everybody. Everybody has their own frame of reference. Will Rogers once said, “Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.” This includes me. The thing I like about feature cartoons is that while their audience  is children, the writers put some funny things in the movie that adults understand. The kids don’t know (or care) what they missed. They just enjoy what they see. Many people have said to me in person that they didn’t understand a certain post. I shouldn’t make you feel stupid or me an intellectual. I may have watched a television show that you did not. It may have been a song lyric from the mid 70’s that was released 10 years before you were born. Don’t take it personal. We all have a different frame of reference. Move along. Nothing left to see here. More posts to come.

Let’s take life more seriously

Sex. Religion. Politics. Divisive subjects. I stay on the periphery of sex. The only time I touched on religion is when I sent in my resume to become Pope. Politics? FaceBook is a great way to push people away. I don’t pretend to know enough to convince people to my way of thinking. But what’s the point? We’re not keeping score. I dread the next election for fear of soapboxes. Let’s talk about race. This is Memphis. Yeah, great idea. I stay away from the serious subjects unless I can put a humorous spin on it. There is too much seriousness in this world. I will not be a part of this group.

Anger Management for people who don’t think they need anger management

Back when I was driving, I had road rage. I no longer drive, so I don’t really have road rage. Okay, maybe I do. I have wheel chair road rage. I only ask that you don’t run my fat ass over. Then we’ll all be fine. Oh, and don’t be stupid. That only exacerbates my sarcasm and condescension. It’s not pretty. I win but you don’t understand that I’m winning. That only makes me madder. I DO NOT NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT, PEOPLE. I DO NOT NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT.

Realization that you do, indeed, have OCD

When I was in the hospital, the nurse asked if I had OCD. I told her a little. Apparently, when you say this, they check off the whole box. That’s not right. The box should be equally divided into 9 squares and we should be able to check off only as many squares as we deem necessary. We should also be required to stay within the lines. I like my water in a large tumbler, with ice. I like my milk, cold, and in a tall glass. Coffee is to be in a mug and tea in a cup. People should know the difference between there, their and they’re. To, two and too. And the syrup should be on the table before the pancakes. Definitely before the pancakes.

6 Comments

  • Reply September 15, 2013

    sarajane

    Perfect in every way..enough so that I’m done for today. Thank you and good night.

    • Reply September 15, 2013

      stevecollins

      Glad you liked it. and you KNOW you and Jon are included in one of these groups!

  • Reply September 15, 2013

    10 Things Blog

    I like this. I need one of these in my life. I’ve been crazy inspired by this post. Do you mind if I borrow this theme and use it in one of my lists? I make all kinds of crazy pinky promises to link to you and this brilliance.

  • […] sonovagun like Steve. He’s the bee’s knees. And recently he wrote a post about Facebook Groups and it’s great. SO great, in fact, that I just had to have it for my own.  Thanks, Steve, […]

  • Reply September 24, 2013

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