Latest Articles

Study Hall

I entered Omaha Northwest High School in the fall of 1972. I was a sophomore and at the time the school only served 10th-12th…

Knife Sharpening

I am now operating out of my home. I’ll happily meet you for an appointment. You may bring your knives, or scissors, or garden…

Hol’ On

Phone conversation between me and the girl at Office Depot – TG: Office Depot, can you ho . . . Me: (I guess so)…

Prostitute

Conversation between me and a Memphis police detective – MPD: So, Mr. Collins, you say you were robbed at gunpoint by a prostitute? Me:…

ALS

This just in from FOX News – It turns out that ice cold water actually CAUSES ALS. More details as our experts examine this…

Wine

I pray that all the people in Napa Valley were not hurt during the recent earthquake. I also pray that this will not adversely…

No duh!

Several years ago, and by several I mean over 25, I was on the phone with my mother. I’m at work and we’re have…

CheetosĀ©

“They can make a movie set to make it looked like man walked on the moon, but they can’t make CheetosĀ© that won’t stick…

Songwriter

“I’m just a songwriter right now until I can get a job waiting tables.” – Steve Collins, 2014

Tennis

“Watching Wimbledon, I remember I was a pretty good tennis player on grass. On cocaine, not so much.” – Steve Collins, 2014

FLOSS

“I flossed my teeth today. And I don’t even have a DENTIST appointment this week.” – Steve Collins, 2014

Avocados

How to Keep Avocados from turning Brown When I was a little boy in the Philippines, my day used to say, “Boy, you never…

Phil the Umpire

This society didn’t just go from landlines to cell phones. No. We went to answering machines, then voice mail, big bag phones, smaller brick…